Trusting Birth
'When I was pregnant for the first time "Trust" became a mantra for me.... Trust my body, trust my baby, and trust birth - all juicy sentiments for home birthing. Leaving my candles, birthing pool, Neil Young CDs and trust behind I arrived at the hospital with pre-eclampsia at 42 weeks for an induction. I had no mantra that covered this. Sure I trusted birth but I did not trust post-dates, hospital, induction, high blood pressure, general anesthetics, C-section birth. I had spent most of nine months reading and researching why such births could not be trusted. I felt like I hadn't trusted enough, thus failing to birth naturally at home.
Before embarking on my second pregnancy I became a birth aficionado. It was my hope that if I gathered more knowledge I would be better at this trusting business. I trained with Michel Odent in London to become a doula. I had attended Mum's and Bub's groups and birth education classes. I read everything I could get my hands on from Silent Knife to Spiritual Midwifery. I was ready to trust.... with my head.
I prepared myself for home birth for the second time. I carried my little belly of love for 40 weeks and all the while trusted as hard as I could. At 41 weeks things stared to get a little shaky. My midwifery care was only available until 42 weeks, after that I had the option of a hospital induction or free-birth. Looking back I now understand that I had confused gathering knowledge with wisdom. I had been looking outside of myself for answers when they were within me. I had been thinking up a storm and my heart struggled to be heard.
I can see this beautiful unconditional trust in my children and realise that most of my adult life I have been learning how not to trust. To think about and to judge, birth was no exception. I had judged my C-section birth but my wise little daughter had not. Accepting my first birth as perfect was what I needed to do to allow this new chapter to unfold.
I was moving from trusting natural birth toward trusting in life. From this space my son was born in a humble way on the floor in my lounge room. I have had two different births which have both touched me deeply. Now I step bravely forward, evolving toward a more genuine trust.
Chrissy Butler
Chrissy Butler is an artist, children's book author and unschooling Mama of 2. Chrissy Butler's first children's book, featuring the preparation and amazing homebirth of Jimi Jazz, told from the perspective of his older sister. Chrissy's second picture Wonderful Place' is a delighted look at full term breastfeeding. For more information or to purchase books, cards, blessingway invitations or fine art prints visit her website www.chrissybutler.com.
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